"Your body is a piece of the universe which you have been given."

At times, I can tell. It all appears evident, clear. What falters is my confidence. I’ve been complimented on my brilliant executive abilities, but when it comes down to matters that deeply concerns me, but no one else, those abilities are tearing at the seams. My nights now are nothing but nightmare hazes - locked up, shouted at, degraded. I wake up more stressed than before falling asleep. It goes deep.

How is it that my motivation can be sky-high when the noose around my neck tightens, but disappears soon as my chafes are given the slightest chance to heal? Years have passed - I should be done with this. At times, I am. But it clings on to me like tangles of seaweed as I’m trying to walk out of the water, up to the shore. What lies ahead is important - I need to be strong, smart. For myself as well as for my family. I need to be my own safe haven, but I’m not. And I have no one I can fully admit it to - any sign of weakness I show, could be the pinky finger which leads them to grab the whole hand.